Dear Friend,
My husband of 15 yrs has left me. I have 4 children. Each child is traumatized. I don't know what to do because I am in the same shoes. My life feels like it's at an end. Please send advice.. I am desperate for anything and anyone right now. Lost & Alone in Cincinnati!
Dear Lost & Alone,
There are so many women out there that feel your pain. Always remember you are not alone. My advice to you is to turn to friends and family for support. And make sure these friends and family are positive about your future and not about attacking the past. If we look at the rear view mirror the entire time we are driving, where would we be? We have to look ahead...and sometimes it takes great concentration. You are hurt, betrayed and afraid. Three very highly and volatile emotions... and when combined, they can combust if not treated. Please find a recommended counselor or therapist right away. Please take your children in also. Not knowing your entire situation, such as if there is a woman involved, drugs, prison, etc... it's hard to know more of how to help you, but finding a therapist and collecting a support group is always a good start.
One more thing, find that girl within you. The one you were before marriage. What was it you loved to do? What brought you joy? Find that and start doing it again. Eventually the smiles and even laughter will come. When our life is so focused on one thing, such as a spouse or children, and one of those is removed from our life, then our foundation crumbles. Focus instead upon a higher being, such as God. Focus on His love for you... He is there with you now. And He will carry you through this if you have the faith that He is there. Turn to Him. You will find your feet and eventually your wings... and then you will fly.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Monday, April 6, 2009
So, it's still snowing here in Utah, but I'm sick of my winter wardrobe. When is it 'ok' to hang up the snowboots and wool jackets and trade them in for sandals and sundresses?
I'm tired of winter, but I don't want to look like I'm jumping the gun! Totally ready for the pedicure, tan legs and short shorts, but I'm afraid of looking inappropriate.
Help! I'm...
Ready in Riverton
Dear "Ready in Riverton"
When you see the buds on the trees, and the bulbs getting ready to open... it's time to put away your boots, wool jackets, and pull out lite weight, colorful clothing. (keep the wool jacket nearby though...)
I would suggest, to give yourself a boost, go get the pedicure, since this always cures feelings of spring fever and drives away the blues from a long, harsh winter!
Start your tanning sessions at the tanning salon, so by the time the heat hits, you're all ready to go girl! Now is a good time to start preparing for summer!
Enjoy!
Advice Between Friends....
I'm tired of winter, but I don't want to look like I'm jumping the gun! Totally ready for the pedicure, tan legs and short shorts, but I'm afraid of looking inappropriate.
Help! I'm...
Ready in Riverton
Dear "Ready in Riverton"
When you see the buds on the trees, and the bulbs getting ready to open... it's time to put away your boots, wool jackets, and pull out lite weight, colorful clothing. (keep the wool jacket nearby though...)
I would suggest, to give yourself a boost, go get the pedicure, since this always cures feelings of spring fever and drives away the blues from a long, harsh winter!
Start your tanning sessions at the tanning salon, so by the time the heat hits, you're all ready to go girl! Now is a good time to start preparing for summer!
Enjoy!
Advice Between Friends....
Monday, December 22, 2008
DEPRESSED IN BOSTON
Dear Advice Between Friends,
It's Christmas, and for some reason I always get a very depressed feeling of loneliness and also a dislike for those around me. Everyone is just crazy trying to buy, buy, buy. They never think of others, and I get so tired of it. Life just gets dismal this time of year and I wish it would not, but I'm not sure what I can do. I would appreciate your help, since you seem so wise. I also trust your counsel after reading the other pleas for help. thanks again....
Depressed in Boston
Dear Depressed in Boston,
My advice? If you've forgotten the meaning of Christmas, watch the movie, "The Bishop's Wife" with Cary Grant and David Niven. If you've lost the feeling for your fellow man, then volunteer at a homeless shelter. If you're lonely and see no color in the world, take the meal you had prepared for your family or self, and present it to a needy neighbor or friend, anonymously.
In other words, DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! Never let a minute go by where you're not wondering what you can do for someone else. This world is full of selfish individuals who live life on the edge, thinking that the next thrill will help them past whatever it is they're struggling with.
You can be better than that. Life is to be lived by serving others. It's that simple. No bows, no strings attached, no fan fare....but I guess it's too simple a concept for some people to accept.
But you're not like that. I can sense it. You want more in life. This will be the cure all for you.
I guarantee it! Make your list and start your new life.
Advice Between Friends
It's Christmas, and for some reason I always get a very depressed feeling of loneliness and also a dislike for those around me. Everyone is just crazy trying to buy, buy, buy. They never think of others, and I get so tired of it. Life just gets dismal this time of year and I wish it would not, but I'm not sure what I can do. I would appreciate your help, since you seem so wise. I also trust your counsel after reading the other pleas for help. thanks again....
Depressed in Boston
Dear Depressed in Boston,
My advice? If you've forgotten the meaning of Christmas, watch the movie, "The Bishop's Wife" with Cary Grant and David Niven. If you've lost the feeling for your fellow man, then volunteer at a homeless shelter. If you're lonely and see no color in the world, take the meal you had prepared for your family or self, and present it to a needy neighbor or friend, anonymously.
In other words, DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! Never let a minute go by where you're not wondering what you can do for someone else. This world is full of selfish individuals who live life on the edge, thinking that the next thrill will help them past whatever it is they're struggling with.
You can be better than that. Life is to be lived by serving others. It's that simple. No bows, no strings attached, no fan fare....but I guess it's too simple a concept for some people to accept.
But you're not like that. I can sense it. You want more in life. This will be the cure all for you.
I guarantee it! Make your list and start your new life.
Advice Between Friends
Friday, October 24, 2008
Dear Frustrated Mom!
Motherhood comes with so many challenges, and sometimes we don't expect one of the challenges to be our husband! Not only do you sound frustrated, but tired. Tired of trying to fix a relationship between your husband and son. Just this in itself can lead to great frustration. Mainly, because you cannot fix it. This is not yours to fix. It's your husbands.
My advice? Learn to respect your husband. If you don't respect your husband, how do you expect your children to? Maybe you don't verbalize how you feel about him to your children, but it comes across loudly in your tone, looks, and actions. Children are very adept at picking up on this. I picked up on it immediately just from your letter.
Life happens, and sometimes a spouse will go through changes that causes the other to lose respect and look down upon them for one reason or another. These are the times when you need to hang in there, remember what attracted you in the first place, and be a friend. Lift him up, remind him why you love him, continue to do things that you would probably do for a girlfriend if she was acting this way. Just DON'T OWN IT! You're only there to help him remember why you respect him so much. Once you do this, you'll notice a change in your son and how he treats his father. But it begins with you. And it will always be this way.... accept it.
Good luck
Advice Between Friends
Motherhood comes with so many challenges, and sometimes we don't expect one of the challenges to be our husband! Not only do you sound frustrated, but tired. Tired of trying to fix a relationship between your husband and son. Just this in itself can lead to great frustration. Mainly, because you cannot fix it. This is not yours to fix. It's your husbands.
My advice? Learn to respect your husband. If you don't respect your husband, how do you expect your children to? Maybe you don't verbalize how you feel about him to your children, but it comes across loudly in your tone, looks, and actions. Children are very adept at picking up on this. I picked up on it immediately just from your letter.
Life happens, and sometimes a spouse will go through changes that causes the other to lose respect and look down upon them for one reason or another. These are the times when you need to hang in there, remember what attracted you in the first place, and be a friend. Lift him up, remind him why you love him, continue to do things that you would probably do for a girlfriend if she was acting this way. Just DON'T OWN IT! You're only there to help him remember why you respect him so much. Once you do this, you'll notice a change in your son and how he treats his father. But it begins with you. And it will always be this way.... accept it.
Good luck
Advice Between Friends
Dear Advice!
I have a son who shows no respect for his father. Granted, his father is not the most ideal dad, but I wish I knew how to help the situation. My husband sits around most of the time watching tv, or playing video games with the younger kids. It's like he's missing in action (MIA!). I feel very frustrated and constantly worried about my oldest son and the example his father is setting. What should I do? I've tried talking with my husband, but he only gets more upset and feels I'm the reason our son does not respect him. I'm tired of the fights, the tears, and arguments. Please help if you can!! Thank you..... Frustrated Mom in California
I have a son who shows no respect for his father. Granted, his father is not the most ideal dad, but I wish I knew how to help the situation. My husband sits around most of the time watching tv, or playing video games with the younger kids. It's like he's missing in action (MIA!). I feel very frustrated and constantly worried about my oldest son and the example his father is setting. What should I do? I've tried talking with my husband, but he only gets more upset and feels I'm the reason our son does not respect him. I'm tired of the fights, the tears, and arguments. Please help if you can!! Thank you..... Frustrated Mom in California
Monday, October 6, 2008
Drowning in Toys!
Dear Advice,
I have a toy clutter problem, and with Christmas just around the corner I dread getting them all organized. My question is 2 fold; #1 How can I get inspired to deal with the overwhelming closets, toy bins and over crowded toy room before Christmas? #2 What kind of Christmas toys would be good for the long term? In other words, what gifts would hold up, warrant lots of playing time, and don't add a lot of clutter? My kids are 8, 5, and 2. Thanks for any help. Drowning in Toys!
Dear Drowning in Toys!
My mother often comments, "Oh, what happened to the good ole' days when children were happy with a new pair of socks and a foot long candy cane for Christmas?" I also recall one Christmas when my friend misbehaved and on Christmas morning received a book on 'Manners' and a lump of coal underneath the Christmas tree.
Our culture has greatly changed, and a long with that, the need to stay organized and on top of all those dear, precious items that we buy for our children.
I took a great class years ago that helped greatly with your first question. The class basically said this concerning toys: if your children have not used a toy within the last six months, give it away. Benefit some other child's life! Teach them charity! In fact, we were encouraged to give away 1/2 of everything in that toy room. This would become a family project. After a lesson on charity, we took the children to a Woman's Shelter that we had chosen so they could tour the facility and behold first hand the great need that was there. Therefore, the children were taught the importance of giving, without be coerced. Next, they were in charge of selecting which toys they would like to give to the shelter. Now trust me, I expected some temper tantrums, pouting and outright rebellion over this, but a funny thing happened. After visiting the shelter, they began to express a desire to give away their 'good' toys! They're hearts expanded and a valuable lesson was taught.
My advice to you: Give 1/2 away of all your kids have. When children have too much of something, they end up not being able to treasure what they have. Did you ever have one doll that you treasured more than anything else? Now days, kids have 20 or 30 barbies! How can they learn to treasure the 'one' thing when they have more than they need? What lesson are we teaching them when they eventually leave home and raise a family of their own?
Question 2: What kind of toys to buy for the long term? Here's just one idea.
One Christmas, years ago, I started a new tradition. It began with a family lesson on the Christmas Story, but more specifically on the 3 gifts the wise men gave to the baby Jesus and what they represented. You can add to this with stories, poems, etc.
The three gifts: Gold, frankincense and myrrh.
I explained what each gift represented and then told them them this Christmas, they would be receiving 3 special gifts as well.
Gold was metal that was very, very precious. And it stands for something in the heart that is very precious as well and that we hold dear. And this is why it was the first gift given. This gift would be something the child has been asking for for quite a while. I guess you could call it the 'big' gift!
Frankincense was not only a healing herb, but was used in worshiping. As the incense goes up, so does your commitment to the Lord to learn all you can about this world and his doctrine. This gift would represent an educational gift/doctrinal study, journal, new set of scriptures with their name engraved upon it.
Myrrh was a precious ointment put on people's bodies. It was to cleanse, heal and annoint. It helped to remind how important our bodies are and how we adorn them with modest clothing.
So obviously, this gift was clothing much needed, a coat, shoes, pajamas, etc. As my daughters got older, a favorite perfume, lotions, etc. Many times I would wrap 2-3shirts and other clothing in one package.
Attached to each gift, is a little tag that specified which 'Wise Men's Gift' it represents. The kids have really enjoyed this each year and each gift holds a deeper meaning. No longer the frenzied, ripping of wrapping paper, screams and even jealous looks! Now, there's a more calm & reverent atmosphere. Probably a little closer to the atmosphere that was inside the stable in Bethlehem so many years ago.
Enjoy the journey!
Advice Between Friends- Trish
I have a toy clutter problem, and with Christmas just around the corner I dread getting them all organized. My question is 2 fold; #1 How can I get inspired to deal with the overwhelming closets, toy bins and over crowded toy room before Christmas? #2 What kind of Christmas toys would be good for the long term? In other words, what gifts would hold up, warrant lots of playing time, and don't add a lot of clutter? My kids are 8, 5, and 2. Thanks for any help. Drowning in Toys!
Dear Drowning in Toys!
My mother often comments, "Oh, what happened to the good ole' days when children were happy with a new pair of socks and a foot long candy cane for Christmas?" I also recall one Christmas when my friend misbehaved and on Christmas morning received a book on 'Manners' and a lump of coal underneath the Christmas tree.
Our culture has greatly changed, and a long with that, the need to stay organized and on top of all those dear, precious items that we buy for our children.
I took a great class years ago that helped greatly with your first question. The class basically said this concerning toys: if your children have not used a toy within the last six months, give it away. Benefit some other child's life! Teach them charity! In fact, we were encouraged to give away 1/2 of everything in that toy room. This would become a family project. After a lesson on charity, we took the children to a Woman's Shelter that we had chosen so they could tour the facility and behold first hand the great need that was there. Therefore, the children were taught the importance of giving, without be coerced. Next, they were in charge of selecting which toys they would like to give to the shelter. Now trust me, I expected some temper tantrums, pouting and outright rebellion over this, but a funny thing happened. After visiting the shelter, they began to express a desire to give away their 'good' toys! They're hearts expanded and a valuable lesson was taught.
My advice to you: Give 1/2 away of all your kids have. When children have too much of something, they end up not being able to treasure what they have. Did you ever have one doll that you treasured more than anything else? Now days, kids have 20 or 30 barbies! How can they learn to treasure the 'one' thing when they have more than they need? What lesson are we teaching them when they eventually leave home and raise a family of their own?
Question 2: What kind of toys to buy for the long term? Here's just one idea.
One Christmas, years ago, I started a new tradition. It began with a family lesson on the Christmas Story, but more specifically on the 3 gifts the wise men gave to the baby Jesus and what they represented. You can add to this with stories, poems, etc.
The three gifts: Gold, frankincense and myrrh.
I explained what each gift represented and then told them them this Christmas, they would be receiving 3 special gifts as well.
Gold was metal that was very, very precious. And it stands for something in the heart that is very precious as well and that we hold dear. And this is why it was the first gift given. This gift would be something the child has been asking for for quite a while. I guess you could call it the 'big' gift!
Frankincense was not only a healing herb, but was used in worshiping. As the incense goes up, so does your commitment to the Lord to learn all you can about this world and his doctrine. This gift would represent an educational gift/doctrinal study, journal, new set of scriptures with their name engraved upon it.
Myrrh was a precious ointment put on people's bodies. It was to cleanse, heal and annoint. It helped to remind how important our bodies are and how we adorn them with modest clothing.
So obviously, this gift was clothing much needed, a coat, shoes, pajamas, etc. As my daughters got older, a favorite perfume, lotions, etc. Many times I would wrap 2-3shirts and other clothing in one package.
Attached to each gift, is a little tag that specified which 'Wise Men's Gift' it represents. The kids have really enjoyed this each year and each gift holds a deeper meaning. No longer the frenzied, ripping of wrapping paper, screams and even jealous looks! Now, there's a more calm & reverent atmosphere. Probably a little closer to the atmosphere that was inside the stable in Bethlehem so many years ago.
Enjoy the journey!
Advice Between Friends- Trish
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Dear Hurting in Utah
Sounds like bitterness and hurt have filled your heart. It's very hard to go back to a normal relationship when someone has betrayed you. Sometimes it's so easy to turn and move on, away from the hurt and pain. My question to you right now is, 'Have you forgiven him?"
Do you know the feelings inside your heart when you have forgiven someone of a wrongful deed? You feel set free! Your heart feels light. You have no grudge or contention in there towards that person. You don't OWN their mistake! It's actually a glorious feeling when it comes down to it. It would be easy to move on and have a 'functional' life if you feel this way and truly do not want to be with him any longer and feel no love. If you have not forgiven him, this will become baggage wherever you go. I would strongly advise that if you haven't forgiven him, then to work on this first before making such a life changing decision of divorce. Sometimes, when we don't forgive others for their mistakes, it distorts and twists how we feel about them. Our vision is clouded and blurred to the point that our heart becomes filled with dislike, hate or indifference toward that person. How can we make a serious decision when we feel like that!??
Search within yourself, make sure you have forgiven him for any betrayal of trust, and then move forward with your decision. Trust me, you will know when your heart is right if it's the right choice or not. Trish --Advice Between Friends
Do you know the feelings inside your heart when you have forgiven someone of a wrongful deed? You feel set free! Your heart feels light. You have no grudge or contention in there towards that person. You don't OWN their mistake! It's actually a glorious feeling when it comes down to it. It would be easy to move on and have a 'functional' life if you feel this way and truly do not want to be with him any longer and feel no love. If you have not forgiven him, this will become baggage wherever you go. I would strongly advise that if you haven't forgiven him, then to work on this first before making such a life changing decision of divorce. Sometimes, when we don't forgive others for their mistakes, it distorts and twists how we feel about them. Our vision is clouded and blurred to the point that our heart becomes filled with dislike, hate or indifference toward that person. How can we make a serious decision when we feel like that!??
Search within yourself, make sure you have forgiven him for any betrayal of trust, and then move forward with your decision. Trust me, you will know when your heart is right if it's the right choice or not. Trish --Advice Between Friends
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