Dear Frustrated Mom!
Motherhood comes with so many challenges, and sometimes we don't expect one of the challenges to be our husband! Not only do you sound frustrated, but tired. Tired of trying to fix a relationship between your husband and son. Just this in itself can lead to great frustration. Mainly, because you cannot fix it. This is not yours to fix. It's your husbands.
My advice? Learn to respect your husband. If you don't respect your husband, how do you expect your children to? Maybe you don't verbalize how you feel about him to your children, but it comes across loudly in your tone, looks, and actions. Children are very adept at picking up on this. I picked up on it immediately just from your letter.
Life happens, and sometimes a spouse will go through changes that causes the other to lose respect and look down upon them for one reason or another. These are the times when you need to hang in there, remember what attracted you in the first place, and be a friend. Lift him up, remind him why you love him, continue to do things that you would probably do for a girlfriend if she was acting this way. Just DON'T OWN IT! You're only there to help him remember why you respect him so much. Once you do this, you'll notice a change in your son and how he treats his father. But it begins with you. And it will always be this way.... accept it.
Good luck
Advice Between Friends
Friday, October 24, 2008
Dear Advice!
I have a son who shows no respect for his father. Granted, his father is not the most ideal dad, but I wish I knew how to help the situation. My husband sits around most of the time watching tv, or playing video games with the younger kids. It's like he's missing in action (MIA!). I feel very frustrated and constantly worried about my oldest son and the example his father is setting. What should I do? I've tried talking with my husband, but he only gets more upset and feels I'm the reason our son does not respect him. I'm tired of the fights, the tears, and arguments. Please help if you can!! Thank you..... Frustrated Mom in California
I have a son who shows no respect for his father. Granted, his father is not the most ideal dad, but I wish I knew how to help the situation. My husband sits around most of the time watching tv, or playing video games with the younger kids. It's like he's missing in action (MIA!). I feel very frustrated and constantly worried about my oldest son and the example his father is setting. What should I do? I've tried talking with my husband, but he only gets more upset and feels I'm the reason our son does not respect him. I'm tired of the fights, the tears, and arguments. Please help if you can!! Thank you..... Frustrated Mom in California
Monday, October 6, 2008
Drowning in Toys!
Dear Advice,
I have a toy clutter problem, and with Christmas just around the corner I dread getting them all organized. My question is 2 fold; #1 How can I get inspired to deal with the overwhelming closets, toy bins and over crowded toy room before Christmas? #2 What kind of Christmas toys would be good for the long term? In other words, what gifts would hold up, warrant lots of playing time, and don't add a lot of clutter? My kids are 8, 5, and 2. Thanks for any help. Drowning in Toys!
Dear Drowning in Toys!
My mother often comments, "Oh, what happened to the good ole' days when children were happy with a new pair of socks and a foot long candy cane for Christmas?" I also recall one Christmas when my friend misbehaved and on Christmas morning received a book on 'Manners' and a lump of coal underneath the Christmas tree.
Our culture has greatly changed, and a long with that, the need to stay organized and on top of all those dear, precious items that we buy for our children.
I took a great class years ago that helped greatly with your first question. The class basically said this concerning toys: if your children have not used a toy within the last six months, give it away. Benefit some other child's life! Teach them charity! In fact, we were encouraged to give away 1/2 of everything in that toy room. This would become a family project. After a lesson on charity, we took the children to a Woman's Shelter that we had chosen so they could tour the facility and behold first hand the great need that was there. Therefore, the children were taught the importance of giving, without be coerced. Next, they were in charge of selecting which toys they would like to give to the shelter. Now trust me, I expected some temper tantrums, pouting and outright rebellion over this, but a funny thing happened. After visiting the shelter, they began to express a desire to give away their 'good' toys! They're hearts expanded and a valuable lesson was taught.
My advice to you: Give 1/2 away of all your kids have. When children have too much of something, they end up not being able to treasure what they have. Did you ever have one doll that you treasured more than anything else? Now days, kids have 20 or 30 barbies! How can they learn to treasure the 'one' thing when they have more than they need? What lesson are we teaching them when they eventually leave home and raise a family of their own?
Question 2: What kind of toys to buy for the long term? Here's just one idea.
One Christmas, years ago, I started a new tradition. It began with a family lesson on the Christmas Story, but more specifically on the 3 gifts the wise men gave to the baby Jesus and what they represented. You can add to this with stories, poems, etc.
The three gifts: Gold, frankincense and myrrh.
I explained what each gift represented and then told them them this Christmas, they would be receiving 3 special gifts as well.
Gold was metal that was very, very precious. And it stands for something in the heart that is very precious as well and that we hold dear. And this is why it was the first gift given. This gift would be something the child has been asking for for quite a while. I guess you could call it the 'big' gift!
Frankincense was not only a healing herb, but was used in worshiping. As the incense goes up, so does your commitment to the Lord to learn all you can about this world and his doctrine. This gift would represent an educational gift/doctrinal study, journal, new set of scriptures with their name engraved upon it.
Myrrh was a precious ointment put on people's bodies. It was to cleanse, heal and annoint. It helped to remind how important our bodies are and how we adorn them with modest clothing.
So obviously, this gift was clothing much needed, a coat, shoes, pajamas, etc. As my daughters got older, a favorite perfume, lotions, etc. Many times I would wrap 2-3shirts and other clothing in one package.
Attached to each gift, is a little tag that specified which 'Wise Men's Gift' it represents. The kids have really enjoyed this each year and each gift holds a deeper meaning. No longer the frenzied, ripping of wrapping paper, screams and even jealous looks! Now, there's a more calm & reverent atmosphere. Probably a little closer to the atmosphere that was inside the stable in Bethlehem so many years ago.
Enjoy the journey!
Advice Between Friends- Trish
I have a toy clutter problem, and with Christmas just around the corner I dread getting them all organized. My question is 2 fold; #1 How can I get inspired to deal with the overwhelming closets, toy bins and over crowded toy room before Christmas? #2 What kind of Christmas toys would be good for the long term? In other words, what gifts would hold up, warrant lots of playing time, and don't add a lot of clutter? My kids are 8, 5, and 2. Thanks for any help. Drowning in Toys!
Dear Drowning in Toys!
My mother often comments, "Oh, what happened to the good ole' days when children were happy with a new pair of socks and a foot long candy cane for Christmas?" I also recall one Christmas when my friend misbehaved and on Christmas morning received a book on 'Manners' and a lump of coal underneath the Christmas tree.
Our culture has greatly changed, and a long with that, the need to stay organized and on top of all those dear, precious items that we buy for our children.
I took a great class years ago that helped greatly with your first question. The class basically said this concerning toys: if your children have not used a toy within the last six months, give it away. Benefit some other child's life! Teach them charity! In fact, we were encouraged to give away 1/2 of everything in that toy room. This would become a family project. After a lesson on charity, we took the children to a Woman's Shelter that we had chosen so they could tour the facility and behold first hand the great need that was there. Therefore, the children were taught the importance of giving, without be coerced. Next, they were in charge of selecting which toys they would like to give to the shelter. Now trust me, I expected some temper tantrums, pouting and outright rebellion over this, but a funny thing happened. After visiting the shelter, they began to express a desire to give away their 'good' toys! They're hearts expanded and a valuable lesson was taught.
My advice to you: Give 1/2 away of all your kids have. When children have too much of something, they end up not being able to treasure what they have. Did you ever have one doll that you treasured more than anything else? Now days, kids have 20 or 30 barbies! How can they learn to treasure the 'one' thing when they have more than they need? What lesson are we teaching them when they eventually leave home and raise a family of their own?
Question 2: What kind of toys to buy for the long term? Here's just one idea.
One Christmas, years ago, I started a new tradition. It began with a family lesson on the Christmas Story, but more specifically on the 3 gifts the wise men gave to the baby Jesus and what they represented. You can add to this with stories, poems, etc.
The three gifts: Gold, frankincense and myrrh.
I explained what each gift represented and then told them them this Christmas, they would be receiving 3 special gifts as well.
Gold was metal that was very, very precious. And it stands for something in the heart that is very precious as well and that we hold dear. And this is why it was the first gift given. This gift would be something the child has been asking for for quite a while. I guess you could call it the 'big' gift!
Frankincense was not only a healing herb, but was used in worshiping. As the incense goes up, so does your commitment to the Lord to learn all you can about this world and his doctrine. This gift would represent an educational gift/doctrinal study, journal, new set of scriptures with their name engraved upon it.
Myrrh was a precious ointment put on people's bodies. It was to cleanse, heal and annoint. It helped to remind how important our bodies are and how we adorn them with modest clothing.
So obviously, this gift was clothing much needed, a coat, shoes, pajamas, etc. As my daughters got older, a favorite perfume, lotions, etc. Many times I would wrap 2-3shirts and other clothing in one package.
Attached to each gift, is a little tag that specified which 'Wise Men's Gift' it represents. The kids have really enjoyed this each year and each gift holds a deeper meaning. No longer the frenzied, ripping of wrapping paper, screams and even jealous looks! Now, there's a more calm & reverent atmosphere. Probably a little closer to the atmosphere that was inside the stable in Bethlehem so many years ago.
Enjoy the journey!
Advice Between Friends- Trish
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