Dear Hurting in Utah

Sounds like bitterness and hurt have filled your heart. It's very hard to go back to a normal relationship when someone has betrayed you. Sometimes it's so easy to turn and move on, away from the hurt and pain. My question to you right now is, 'Have you forgiven him?"
Do you know the feelings inside your heart when you have forgiven someone of a wrongful deed? You feel set free! Your heart feels light. You have no grudge or contention in there towards that person. You don't OWN their mistake! It's actually a glorious feeling when it comes down to it. It would be easy to move on and have a 'functional' life if you feel this way and truly do not want to be with him any longer and feel no love. If you have not forgiven him, this will become baggage wherever you go. I would strongly advise that if you haven't forgiven him, then to work on this first before making such a life changing decision of divorce. Sometimes, when we don't forgive others for their mistakes, it distorts and twists how we feel about them. Our vision is clouded and blurred to the point that our heart becomes filled with dislike, hate or indifference toward that person. How can we make a serious decision when we feel like that!??
Search within yourself, make sure you have forgiven him for any betrayal of trust, and then move forward with your decision. Trust me, you will know when your heart is right if it's the right choice or not. Trish --Advice Between Friends

Hurting in Utah

Trish,
I am struggling in my relationship with my husband. Because of the things he has done, I have lost all trust in him. I don't even like to be around him or feel I can talk to him about the way I feel. I'm afraid if I tell him I want a divorce, he will do something stupid. I have remained in this relationship for the past two years because of my kids. I know he senses it. He asks me often if I love him, or if 'I'm in love with him.' I feel I have to say yes just to keep the peace. How do I get out? The relationship is killing me. Hurting in Utah

Mom at Home needs help!

Hi Kathryn! Coming from a mom with five children, I can totally relate. First of all, being home where your children need you is very commendable. Some mothers do not have this luxury. But it also comes with it's stresses. You mentioned that you were feeling depressed and lonely. Probably needing adult talk and interaction with other people would solve part of that problem, but the underlying problem is how you feel about yourself. It's not an easy job staying home. I have many friends who work full time and can actually quit their jobs but don't! They say staying at home with their kids is harder work than going to their job!
My advice to you is to find ways to serve each day. Think of someone during the weekend that you know needs help. Focus on them, pray about them, and then do it! Take them a meal out of the blue, write a letter, call them for a lunch date, but do something for someone else. When our eyes are focused on ourselves, we will always find ourselves falling into a depressed and lonely state. This task of serving others not only lifts someone else, but lifts you, builds your self worth and esteem and defines your character. You find the real YOU when you serve others.
And what a great example you set for your family in the long run! Keep me updated on this assignment, because it is an assignment, if you chose to accept it. :) Just between friends..... Trish

Stay at home mom struggling... need advice!

Q:
Trish, I'm a stay at home mom, but all my kids are in school right now. They still need me frequently so I don't feel like I can work outside the home just yet. However, in the meantime, I'm really struggling with depression and loneliness. Any advice? Kathryn, Denver CO

Good Fruit

A pear tree stands, tall and straight in the front of my home. For three years, the fruit it produced was bitter and non-edible. Bad fruit! But this last year, surprisingly, the pear tree bore fruit that was sweet, tasty and delicious! One day as I picked a pear off the tree to have for a snack, this thought came to my mind. Some of us go through seasons, where we are unable to produce, 'good fruit.' Maybe due to trials, conflicts, unhappy in our jobs, loss of a loved one, or divorce. These are times when we are actually growing, finding ourselves and what we're made of. But the time will come, when we can eventually impart of ourselves, and our 'good fruit.' We can extend a hand and help others, leave those that we were with feeling uplifted and edified.
Continue to recognize when you are sharing good fruit, or bad fruit. Bad fruit is negative, uninspiring, and makes you and others feel unsafe, unsure and without hope. Good fruit dropped here and there will not only motivate and inspire you, but all whom you come in contact with throughout your day; your children, spouse, friend, sister, brother or parent. Your comments, your attitude, your facial expressions all bear witness of the fruit you have within you! Harvest and share the good fruit!
I look forward to sharing my feelings and listening to your concerns on this blog. Feel free to ask for any help your struggling with and I'll do my best to respond with 'good fruit!'
Trish - Advice Between Friends